JaToya Reviews: Barbara Taylor Sissel, Evidence of Life

Summary:

On the last ordinary day of her life, Abby Bennett feels like the luckiest woman alive. But everyone knows that luck doesn't last forever.… As her husband, Nick, and daughter, Lindsey, embark on a weekend camping trip to the Texas Hill Country, Abby looks forward to having some quiet time to herself. She braids Lindsey's hair, reminds Nick to drive safely and kisses them both goodbye. For a brief moment, Abby thinks she has it all—a perfect marriage, a perfect life—until a devastating storm rips through the region, and her family vanishes without a trace.

When Nick and Lindsey are presumed dead, lost in the raging waters, Abby refuses to give up hope. Consumed by grief and clinging to her belief that her family is still alive, she sets out to find them. But as disturbing clues begin to surface, Abby realizes that the truth may be far more sinister than she imagined. Soon she finds herself caught in a current of lies that threaten to unhinge her and challenge everything she once believed about her marriage and family.

With a voice that resonates with stunning clarity, Barbara Taylor Sissel delivers a taut and chilling mystery about a mother's love, a wife's obsession and the invisible fractures that can shatter a family.

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My Review:

I have to be honest. I've had this book awhile and I just got around to reading it. Then when I decided to read it, I started the first chapter and put it down for like a month. It wasn't that I didn't find the book interesting, I just wasn't in the mood to read it. It started off slow. It was hard for me to get into. Then it did pick back up and I was able to read it in a day. I loved the mystery and the suspense. There were some parts that were a little boring but wanting to find out what happened to Nick and Lindsey kept me reading. I wanted to know. I had to know. I found the main character Abby to be relatable. I feel she did what any mother and wife would do if they were ever in her situation. I did however find her to be really naive, especially for a woman her age. I also didn't understand why everyone around her treated her almost like a child. They felt the need to protect her from the truth. As for "the truth", I did have my own theories but they turned out to be wrong. Part of me wishes something else would have happened, but it didn't. For me it wasn't predictable or maybe I just wasn't paying enough attention but I digress. I did think the story just ended abruptly and that's my biggest pet peeve. I would have liked a better explanation and what really happened to Nick and Lindsey (how it happened rather) just felt a little stupid. Like I said, there were things in the story that should have been explained better. It was like out of all the things that could have happened the author chose the one that I felt was the most preventable if that makes sense. There was suspense, it kept me guessing, and I wanted more. I do recommend this book, but it wasn't my favorite by any means. It was a good way to pass the time and I was entertained for the most part. There are better books out there, but it wasn't a total waste of time. 

JaToya Reviews: Elizabeth Scott, Living Dead Girl

Summary:

Once upon a time, I was a little girl who disappeared.

Once upon a time, my name was not Alice.

Once upon a time, I didn't know how lucky I was. 

When Alice was ten, Ray took her away from her family, her friends -- her life. She learned to give up all power, to endure all pain. She waited for the nightmare to be over. 

Now Alice is fifteen and Ray still has her, but he speaks more and more of her death. He does not know it is what she longs for. She does not know he has something more terrifying than death in mind for her. 

This is Alice's story. It is one you have never heard, and one you will never, ever forget.

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My Review:

The way this book is written is unlike any other novel I've personally read before. It's interesting and it makes the story different. It took some getting used to but it also makes the book a very fast read. I finished it in less than a day simply because I couldn't put it down. It's disturbing, heartbreaking, and it's hard to read. Don't think it's hard to read because of the writing, it's hard to read due to the subject. It's never easy to read about child abduction. It's never easy to read about the way a child suffers, but that's were Scott is brilliant. The way she wrote the story makes you want to keep reading although it may be hard to at times. I felt said and mad. I cried because like I said, this story is heartbreaking. I was also left with a question. The ending of this book is one that can be interpreted in a number of ways. I reread the ending and to me it is brilliant (I keep using that word, sorry). For me, I love when things aren't so clear cut and you have to draw your own conclusions. After I finished the book, I was a crying mess but I immediately wanted my mom to read it because I love getting different perspectives on books and discussing them. If you've reading this, let me know what you thought of it. I recommend this book. It's a fast read, but it's not boring. I have read parts of it again and it still makes me feel something. It's worth reading for yourself, I don't think you'll regret it. 

JaToya Reviews: Tracey Garvis Graves, On the Island

Summary:

When thirty-year-old English teacher Anna Emerson is offered a job tutoring T.J. Callahan at his family's summer rental in the Maldives, she accepts without hesitation; a working vacation on a tropical island trumps the library any day.
T.J. Callahan has no desire to leave town, not that anyone asked him. He's almost seventeen and if having cancer wasn't bad enough, now he has to spend his first summer in remission with his family - and a stack of overdue assignments -- instead of his friends. 
Anna and T.J. are en route to join T.J.'s family in the Maldives when the pilot of their seaplane suffers a fatal heart attack and crash-lands in the Indian Ocean. Adrift in shark-infested waters, their life jackets keep them afloat until they make it to the shore of an uninhabited island. Now Anna and T.J. just want to survive and they must work together to obtain water, food, fire, and shelter.
Their basic needs might be met but as the days turn to weeks, and then months, the castaways encounter plenty of other obstacles, including violent tropical storms, the many dangers lurking in the sea, and the possibility that T.J.'s cancer could return. As T.J. celebrates yet another birthday on the island, Anna begins to wonder if the biggest challenge of all might be living with a boy who is gradually becoming a man.

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My Review:

I didn't 100% enjoy this book. That's not saying it's not a good book, I just didn't thoroughly enjoy it. There were some good parts but it was just meh for me. It was okay. The part I did enjoy was the survival stuck on an island part of it. I loved the book Hatchet so that part was interesting to me. The romantic part, not so much. I just can't get with the fact that Anna fell in love with TJ when he was 16 or maybe it was 17. I could understand how it could maybe happen, but nevertheless it just creeped me out. It threw the whole book off for me. I does however put a different perspective on how these things happen, but still. I just didn't like it. So do I recommend this book, yes and no. There may be some people who would enjoy it, but my honest opinion is this book was a waste of money.

JaToya Reviews: Laura Spinella, Beautiful Disaster

Summary:

Mia Wells's eco-friendly career goals are about to become a reality-but her life-altering moment is interrupted when an unexpected call ushers in her tremulous past. A man who's never left Mia's memory: Flynn, the enigmatic, passionate man whose disappearance broke her heart, has mysteriously resurfaced. 

Now back in her life and in the hospital, Flynn is gravely injured. Mia keeps a bedside vigil-terrified that he will die, awestruck at the prospect of his survival. In a story filled with sweetness and suspense, Mia's what-ifs are endless. And Flynn's return ignites an achingly powerful tale about the most enduring love, one that is greater than honor, or friendship, or the passing of time.

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My Review:

I'm just going to go ahead and say it, this is by far my favorite book I've ever read. Its tied with another book I haven't reviewed yet so it's a secret for now. I've read it so many times I've lost count. When I can read a book over and still love it as much as I did the first time, that's how I know it's a good one. This is a romance novel at it's core, but to me it's so much more than that. It's a story of love, but it's also a story of strength. It's a story of faith and just how far faith in someone can go. It makes you think and you start to put yourself in the shoes of the main characters Mia and Flynn. It makes you wonder how it feels to be that in love with someone and to know it from the moment you meet. The love they have for each other is beautiful. There's no other way to describe it. It's beautiful and it's real and it stood the test of time. My mind is all over the place, but just read it, that's all I can say. But we have to talk about Flynn; the main male character. He is probably my favorite character out of all the books I've read. I loved him and because I did, I understood why Mia did as well. I even named one of my plants after him (that's another story). I loved him even though he was flawed, they both were. A book like this (excuse the dramatics) makes you believe in love and how strong it can be when it's right. I have to mention Mia's best friend Roxanne. Hate is a strong word and one I don't like to use, but I hated her. I will say that even though my feelings towards her were strong and not in a good way, I understood her. I understood what drove her to do the things that she did. So if you couldn't already tell by now, I highly recommend this book. I think if you love romance mixed with a little drama and maybe some mystery then this book is right up your alley.

P.S. My review is not doing this book justice. Just read it!

JaToya Reviews: Kristin Hannah, Firefly Lane

Summary:

In the turbulent summer of 1974, Kate Mularkey has accepted her place at the bottom of the eighth-grade social food chain. Then, to her amazement, the “coolest girl in the world” moves in across the street and wants to be her friend. Tully Hart seems to have it all---beauty, brains, ambition. On the surface they are as opposite as two people can be: Kate, doomed to be forever uncool, with a loving family who mortifies her at every turn. Tully, steeped in glamour and mystery, but with a secret that is destroying her. They make a pact to be best friends forever; by summer’s end they’ve become TullyandKate. Inseparable.
So begins Kristin Hannah’s magnificent new novel. Spanning more than three decades and playing out across the ever-changing face of the Pacific Northwest, Firefly Lane is the poignant, powerful story of two women and the friendship that becomes the bulkhead of their lives.
From the beginning, Tully is desperate to prove her worth to the world. Abandoned by her mother at an early age, she longs to be loved unconditionally. In the glittering, big-hair era of the eighties, she looks to men to fill the void in her soul. But in the buttoned-down nineties, it is television news that captivates her. She will follow her own blind ambition to New York and around the globe, finding fame and success . . . and loneliness. 
Kate knows early on that her life will be nothing special. Throughout college, she pretends to be driven by a need for success, but all she really wants is to fall in love and have children and live an ordinary life. In her own quiet way, Kate is as driven as Tully. What she doesn’t know is how being a wife and mother will change her . . . how she’ll lose sight of who she once was, and what she once wanted. And how much she’ll envy her famous best friend. . . .
For thirty years, Tully and Kate buoy each other through life, weathering the storms of friendship---jealousy, anger, hurt, resentment. They think they’ve survived it all until a single act of betrayal tears them apart . . . and puts their courage and friendship to the ultimate test.
Firefly Lane is for anyone who ever drank Boone’s Farm apple wine while listening to Abba or Fleetwood Mac. More than a coming-of-age novel, it’s the story of a generation of women who were both blessed and cursed by choices. It’s about promises and secrets and betrayals. And ultimately, about the one person who really, truly knows you---and knows what has the power to hurt you . . . and heal you. Firefly Lane is a story you’ll never forget . . . one you’ll want to pass on to your best friend.

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My Review:

Okay can I start off by saying this book made me feel all the feels. All of them. I cried and I cried and I cried some more. This book is sad. Not all of it is said, but really it is so sad. It spans over a period of decades so it allows the reader to experience life with the two main characters Tully and Kate. It's a long read that took me a while to get into, but once I did there was no turning back. I enjoyed seeing the girls turn into women. I enjoyed reading about their problems and how their childhood shaped them. Neither of them were perfect and I found myself loving and hating parts about each woman. The thing I loved the most however is that even though they came from two different worlds, had two different personalities, and they had their differences; they always had each other's back. They were true best friends in every sense of the word and that to me is so beautiful and rare. I didn't agree with the way they handled some things (there was some betrayal) but that's what made the characters and the supporting ones real. They were relatable. Like I said, the book is sad but it is worth the tears. There is also a sequel that I can't bring myself to read because I loved this one so much, but it's on my list. If you're looking for a book to make you laugh, cry, think, and feel all while being entertaining, then this book is for you. I highly recommend. You can thank me later.

Are you a settler??

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I'm somewhat of a settler. What I mean is that I settle. I settle with how things are and sometimes I don't expect them to get better. It's something that I'm working on because let's face it, it kind of sucks to be a settler. I mean settling is a bad thing, right? I'm so much a settler that I won't speak up even when I feel things aren't right. I'm talking in relationships and in my daily life. One example that comes to mind is the time I ordered a ring online. It was a ring that I really wanted so I was excited to get it. The ring is beautiful (I still have it) and I don't regret buying it. When it arrived at my house, the band of it had little indentations in the silver. It wasn't much, but looking back I was just satisfied with it not being the way I originally thought it was online. I could have (and I should have) just returned it and got another one, but because I'm just so much of a settler (not sure what else to call it) I just accepted the ring. Maybe not a good example but I think you get the gist. I'm not sure why I'm so comfortable with things the way they are, probably because I'm a little impatient. It's not a bad thing to be happy in good times as well as bad. I'm just saying that sometimes getting so comfortable with things when they're bad can lead you to never accept and expect things to be good. Or never even try to live the life you deserve simply because you're comfortable. Like I said, it's something I need to work on. I know that I'm worth so much more and that I (and you for that matter) should never settle. I don't care what is in life. Whether it be a ring you ordered online, a guy that you're not happy with, a job that you hate, or whatever. Settling just sounds so mediocre, and I don't want no mediocre.

What is something that you've settled on in life?

Pin-spiration Friday

It's Pin-spiration Friday! If you're new, this is where my obsession with Pinterest and my love for blooging meet. Here I share a few of my favorite pins from the past week and sometimes there's a theme. This week's theme is plants. Houseplants. Garden. Green. I'm obsessed. I plan to talk more about that next week, but for now you can follow my new instagram page dedicated to my plants here and you can always follow me on Pinterest here because I'm always pinning. Let's get started!

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I love everything about this picture from the hanging planters to the plant itself. If you're wondering its a donkey's or burros tail and I recently added one to my little collection.

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I have one word, OBSESSED. Okay I have a few more words, but I just love this. I have 3 snake plants in my collection, this photo makes me want even more!

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This is literally my dream.

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Succulents. Hot pink gravel. Enough said.

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I have 4 jade plants so I'm a kind of biased but I love them. They're so easy and practically indestructible. Also this diy vase is amazing!

That's all for this plant themed Pin-spiration Friday. Are any of you guys as obsessed with plants as I am? I can't be the only one. 

Have a great weekend guys!

Don't take it personal

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Okay, let's just get it out of the way. I'm totally singing don't take it personal by Monica right now, it's in my head. I can't help it. But in all seriousness, don't take it personal (baby, personal baby). There's a quote (and I'm paraphrasing here) that says there's freedom in learning not to take everything personally. That is so true. I'm one of those people who takes everything personally, or at least I used to. I'm sensitive, but I also thought everything was about me. I thought this person is doing that just to get back at me or they're doing this because they know I hate it. That kind of thinking is so self centered and stupid and to be honest, I'm neither of those things. Don't ask me why I thought this way, I'm going to chalk it up to just being immature. It's amazing what a few years and life experiences can do for you. Back in college I had a string of bad roommates (we'll save that story for later). I'm talking messy, loud, partying, and disgusting roommates. We didn't get along because little old me was in college to study not to party, what a concept! Every last one of them would do things like leave dirty dishes in the sink for days, leave food out, leave clothes everywhere; you get my drift. I would always think that they were trying to annoying me or get back at me; that they were doing it intentionally. Who knows? Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. Maybe just maybe it wasn't about me at all and that was just who they were: slobs. Everything is not about me, it's not about you. People are going to do things that might make you mad and that you don't agree with, but I had to stop taking responsibility for what other people were doing. I had to take me out of the equation. Sure there are vengeful people out there that do things to get a rise out of other people, but again, that's not my problem. It's not personal and if it is, I have to stop taking it personally. There really is such freedom in that like you wouldn't believe. It's amazing to not let every little thing someone does get to you. When people would do things to me, it would hurt and I would turn it around on me. People still do things that hurt me (and they probably always will) but the way I respond has changed. I don't let it get to me. Instead of thinking it's all about me, I realized that it's on them. They're the one with the problem and I've got enough of my own. And sometimes they might want to make you mad, but isn't it amazing to be calm when people expect you not to be? This is totally unrelated but I love that quote (again paraphrasing) what people think and say about me is none of my business. I'm going to turn it around and say what and how people act towards me and how they treat me is none of my business. Unless I'm being a bitch then it's on me.

Do you take everything personally? What are some ways you can change that?

JaToya Reviews: Sarah Dessen, Dreamland

Summary:

Ever since she started going out with Rogerson Biscoe, Caitlin seems to have fallen into a semiconscious dreamland where nothing is quite real. Rogerson is different from anyone Caitlin has ever known. He's magnetic. He's compelling. He's dangerous. Being with him makes Caitlin forget about everything else--her missing sister, her withdrawn mother, her lackluster life. But what happens when being with Rogerson becomes a larger problem than being without him?

summary and image from goodreads

My Review:

I have read almost all of Sarah Dessen's books and this one stands out as one of my favorites. When I read it, I couldn't put it down and I basically finished it in one day. It captivated me, but it also got me thinking which is the perfect formula for a book in my opinion. I also had mixed emotions. Although Rogerson was a bad guy (whom I had zero respect for) the way Sarah Dessen portrayed him was brilliant. I was left sort of wanting the best for him even though he was extremely flawed. I almost even felt sorry for him in a way that left me conflicted. I don't agree with what he did and how he reacted to situations, but he was written in a way that I could see his point of view. Caitlin was an amazing character as well who represents so many girls and women. She was broken and vulnerable and she made the story relatable. I might have never gone through the things she did exactly but there have been times in my life where I have felt vulnerable. The supporting characters also made this story and provided much needed comic relief because they were quirky. The book did however start off slow, but once I got into it, it picked up. It's a good one that I highly recommend if you're looking for something that's not just your typical teen romance. There's more depth to this story. It gets you thinking and feeling, it's a must read.

23

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Happy Birthday to me! It's my 23rd birthday and it really doesn't even feel like it. I don't feel 23. I don't feel like I'm ready to be 23, but I am. I'm not big on making wishes on my birthday, but I've been thinking and there's really only one thing I want this year. I want to start living instead of existing. For me that means stop going through the motions because that's how I've been living my life lately. I want to enjoy every moment of my life. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the in between. I want to truly live! In honor of my birthday I want to share a few nuggets of wisdom that I'm striving to live by this year!

1. Happiness really is a choice.

2. Never compare yourself to others.

3. Enjoy the journey.

4. It's okay to not have it all figured out.

5. Love yourself first.

6. Whatever is meant to be yours, you will have.

7. Don't rush, slow down.

8. Always be happy for others when they win.

9. Let that shit go.

10. Always have a good heart, even when others don't.

Oh, and Happy Birthday to all my April babies out there! We really are the best!

23 thoughts on turning 23

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1. I'm 23, I can't believe it.

2. I still feel like a teenager.

3. I'm not ready.

4. Okay, I'm ready.

5. Actually I'm not ready.

6. I'm old.

7. My life isn't anything like I imagined.

8. I still live at home, oh my God (don't judge).

9. I need to find out what I want to do with my life, stat.

10. I'm still not ready.

11. Maybe being an adult will be fun.

12. Still figuring things out over here.

13. Can time just slow down?

14. I got this.

15. I still act like a child (only sometimes).

16. Honestly, where did the time go?

17. Feeling lonely sometimes is normal right?

18. I'm trying my best not to become exactly like my mother. At least not yet.

19. It's never too late.
20. Gotta start working out like yesterday.
21. I'm making a big deal out of this aren't I?
22. I think everything's going to be okay.

23. I'm ready!

23 lessons

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My 23rd birthday is this Sunday and it really got me thinking. I'm still young but I feel like I've gained so much wisdom and I'm still learning. I thought it would be cool (um???) to share 23 things I've learned and that I would tell my overly dramatic, stressed out teenage self.

1. Don't worry, it's all going to be okay.
2. Never settle.
3. You are enough.
4. Three words. Life. Goes. On.
5. Forgiveness is for you, not them.
6. Never make a mountain out of a molehill.
7. Relax.
8. No matter what, always be happy.
9. Gratitude is everything.
10. You are never alone.
11. Work hard, always.
12. Don't let what people think or say phase you.
13. You and only you are in control of your life.
14. Your fear should never be bigger than your faith.
15. Your value isn't dependent on what other people think.
16. Never let them see you sweat.
17. Sometimes (most of the time) it's never that serious.
18. You thought you could never get over him, well you can and you did.
19. Love unconditionally and with your whole heart.
20. Life is a gift. Treat it as such.
22. You are beautiful.
23. Attitude is everything.

What are some things you have learned and that you would tell your younger self if you could?

23 things I want to do

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1. Be more positive.

2. Complain less.

3. Fall in love.

4. Find my passion.

5. Feel more confident.

6. Be happy even in the hard times.

7. Worry less.

8. Say what I feel.

9. Live and love without limits.

10. Work harder.

11. Laugh more often.

12. Never hold back.

13. Know that it's okay to cry sometimes.

14. Be more creative.

15. Take better care of myself.

16. Write more.

17. Sing more.

18. Be myself.

19. Have more faith and less fear.

20. Spend less time on the internet.

21. Create lasting memories.

22. Be successful on my own terms.

23. Make myself proud.

Birthday Week

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It's my birthday week. I can't even believe it's already the end of April. Where has the time gone? Anyhow, in honor of this occasion, I'm going to be doing birthday themed posts all week. It's going to kind of be deep simply because this year I want to start living my life in a more meaningful way. I'm going to be 23 (yikes) and I'm growing and becoming a woman (yikes again); I want my blog to reflect that. I've been doing a lot of thinking and writing so I can't wait to share my thoughts with you. I hope you all enjoy!

See you tomorrow!

I'm back...for real this time

Welcome back to The JaToya Chronicles! Let's just pretend I never left shall we? I've been feeling super inspired lately and to be honest I missed my blog. I didn't miss the way it used to be, but I missed having a creative outlet and I missed what could have been. Dramatic much, but it's the truth. That being said, I'm back (I think). I definitely do not want to make any promises seeing as that went so well last time (ha), but I'm for sure going to make more of an effort because let's face it, I can never stay away for too long. I am in the process (and I just said that in a british accent, not sure why) of changing things up. Most of the changes have to do with my content because I want to do things that are more me, even if I'm still figuring out who I am. I'm still working things out but I should be posting a few days this week *fingers crossed*. Next week should be more regular, but we're going to take things real slow, like real real slow. See you guys tomorrow!

What to expect/not to expect

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There a lot of things that make up who I am. Like most people. I'm not just interested in one thing. One dimensional if you will. Over the last few months, my interests have changed. Let's be honest here, they haven't changed that much but I digress. I'm growing, I'm getting older, and ugh I'm becoming an adult. So even though I hate expectations, I feel like this blog needs some sort of guideline or something like that. So what can you expect from this blog. First off there will probably be some fashion related things since I do love fashion and all that good stuff. There may be some decor posts. There may also (okay there will) be some posts where I'm just writing what's on my mind, kind of like journal except I'm not the only one who will be reading it. I may discuss celebrity type things, because let's be honest, I'm kind of more than I'd like to admit interested in that stuff. One day there may be tips and advice, like things I've learned. Also quotes cause I love 'em. There may be spiritual posts because God is an important part of my life (if you don't like that, sorry). There will be beauty related things like nail polish and lipstick cause I'm somewhat of a lipstick hoarder. Oh and hair. I've recently developed a keen interest in all things natural hair so you can expect a lot of that. I'm still a beginner, so bear with me. 

And since I mentioned that I don't like expectations, here's what not to expect:

Please don't expect there to be expensive products or fancy shit like that cause that's just not who I am. I for one (like many people) am on a budget. A tight one. One of the things I'm most looking forward to is showing you guys how to or how I take care of myself with spending a shitload of money. I want to be relatable  cause after all, I'm just a normal, small town girl. Some of the blogs out there show things I could never get (at least right now) simply because I don't have the money. Or because I'd rather spend the money on something I need as opposed to something I want. That's not a good feeling and I never want anyone to come here and feel like that. I want this to be a feel good place where you can come and relax, laugh, get some advice (maybe), learn, grow, and all that jazz. Oh and you can also see me stumble and fumble my way through life cause I still got a lot of figuring out to do. It shall be fun, or at least I hope it will be.

New year, new blog, new me. Maybe?

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So it's been a really long time. You're probably sick of me saying that, but I'm only stating the facts. There are lots of things I said I was going to do and I didn't. Shocker. Like I said in earlier posts, which if you didn't read them then you don't know, but this blog became somewhat like a chore. It was kind of a bad space that I just didn't want to be in. It started off as one thing, then as life hit me with blow after blow, it evolved and so did I. I don't like what my blog has become and that got me thinking. I'm in a totally different space in my life right now. I'm eclectic. Different things make up who I am. I'm inspired by many things, moved by many things. I realized I don't want to be put in a box. I also realized the box I was in was one I indirectly created. So with all that being said, The JaToya Chronicles is back in full effect and it's just what it says it is. It's a chronicle of all the things that make up my life and who I am; the chronicles of JaToya. I'm determined and I really fucking mean it this time, to make this a space that I love. A space that I love coming to and sharing on. A space that is so ME. This time I'm for real. This time I'm actually going to make this blog what it was supposed to be in the first place. 

Unexpected

It's story time! Okay so I need to get real with you guys for a second or a minute since this will probably be long. I want to tell you a story about something that recently happened to me. I'm only telling it because I know I'm not the only one who's had something similar happen and because there's important life lessons to learn. Life lessons that I learned or more to the point that I needed to learn. Life is sneaky like that you know. Every thing is a lesson, every situation can be a learning experience. 

So there is this guy I went to high school with who I had a crush on. Let's just say he's really cute, how eight grade of me, but it's true. I always kind of admired him from afar. I went on with my life, liked other boys and such, but I always thought he was a cutie pie. Fast forward, we graduated and all that stuff. I went to college, forgot about him basically. Then two years ago I was home on spring break and I saw him. He looked better if that was even possible. A few days later it was his birthday. I knew that because we're friends on Facebook, duh. So I decide to wish him a happy birthday. I didn't think anything of it until he replied and we struck up a conversation. You know those like what have you been up to, where'd you go to school, how have you been. Small talk. Kind of boring if you ask me. He asked for my number and we continued to talk. Let me tell you, I was happy. I had had a crush on this dude and I was finally getting to talk to him! High school dreams were coming true here people. All common sense went out the window. We eventually stared hanging out and that's where things got weird. He wanted to you know, have sex. I'll just say it right now, I can be a little naive sometimes, what can I say. I thought we were friends, just getting to know each other. I had no clue that was on his mind. Here's where I was stupid. I actually wanted to do it. Well I didn't but I liked him, always had and I just wanted to please him, keep him, whatever. So I thought about it. We didn't do it, but we almost did. I felt horrible. It went against every thing I believed in. I didn't want to just have sex with him for the sake of it, or because he wanted to. Sex should only be done if YOU want to do it. That goes for anything in life basically. We stopped talking but I always felt as if I should have just done it. If I had, then we would still be talking. I know, I was stupid. Another fast forward to about a month ago. He messaged me on Facebook. That damn Facebook. We engaged in that same small talk, boring, but I thought maybe we could be friends. The next day I text him and point blank asked him if all he wanted was sex from me. He said yes. I knew what I had to do so I told him no and we could just be friends. Let me try to explain how that feels. I wasn't hurt by any means, it just sucked you know. It sucks to be thought of in that way. It sucks to think that a guy you thought was cool, turned out to be a total douchebag. It just plain sucks. Another week or so passed and he contacted me again, wanting the same old thing. He tried to strike up another conversation (I almost believed it), then he went in for the kill. I turned him down once again. Seriously does this guy ever learn? Story's over but here's what I learned. You never really know someone until you know them. Translation: the outside can hide a lot of stuff that's going on on the inside. I had admired this guy from a far and when I got to know him, he was so different from not only what he appeared to be but from how I thought he was. I also learned that some people come into your life to teach you something. I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason and that there really are no accidents in life. People come in and out of your life and it's up to you to learn from it. I struggled with why did God allow him to come back into my life if he was just going to leave again. He hadn't changed so why was he back? I now know that I needed that lesson. Maybe not for today, but maybe I need it for the future. I needed to know that I'm strong and that I don't need to compromise who I am for somebody else. I needed to learn to say NO. So I'm happy he who shall remain nameless came back into my life. I needed that do over. I needed to gain that strength. I needed to know that who I am is enough. I needed to know that my beliefs are important. I needed to know that some people actually aren't who they appear to be. I needed to know that just because someone doesn't value or respect me doesn't mean someone else won't. I needed that unexpected lesson. Unexpected lessons are really the best ones after all.

What are some of the unexpected lessons you've learned? Have you been in a similar situation?

A New Start

The Beginning

November 5, 2014

Well I actually have no clue what I'm going to write, or what I'm supposed to write. I figured I would just start writing, typing really, and see what comes of it. That seems to be the best way to approach things right? You just go for it. Not really knowing how it's going to turn out, but you hope for the best. Or in my case you hope what you're saying, or what you're trying to say, makes sense. So what's in my head? What do I want to say? That's the thing, I have no clue. There are so many thoughts in my head, gaps I want to fill in, but I'm not quite sure where to start. Already things are becoming a little jumbled, so I'll just start from the beginning. So, I love writing. I discovered I had the natural ability to write when I was young. I'm no author by any means, the thought of writing a book actually scares me, but I love being able to write down what I'm feeling and basically just random things. I had a journal (we'll refrain from calling it a diary) and I used to write in it often. I still have them and let me tell you it's beyond hilarious to read what my teenage self wrote. But isn't it the best though? I mean, when I read it I can still remember how I felt even where I was when I wrote it. It takes me back to that time and that's what good writing is. It makes you feel things, takes you to another place. So that's what I want to start doing. I want to write about things that I love, things that are important to me. I want to write my feelings and maybe get emotional at times, who knows. When I started this blog, I had no clue what I was doing. Still don't if I'm being honest. Sticking to this whole honesty thing, I also wasn't being true to myself. I read other blogs, and while I wasn't  trying to emulate them, I did what I thought people wanted to read. In doing that, I begin to hate it. I didn't want to do it because it wasn't me. I do love fashion, but I'm not rich. At all. I don't wear brand name or expensive clothing. I would love to, but that's just not me. I couldn't relate to those blogs at all. So who am I you ask, well that's the thing, I'm still figuring that out. I don't quite know exactly who I am, but here's what I do know. I'm a 22 year old young woman who's still trying to find her place in this world. I have fear of the unknown, I want to make my mother proud, and I don't know what the future holds. I'm just an average girl who lives in a small town. I have big dreams but sometimes I have no idea how I'm going to make them a reality.  I'm an average girl, but I'm unique. I'm on this journey called life and I'm not sure which road I'm going to take, but I am sure that I'm going to be me, be true to myself every step of the way. Sometimes I live for others more than I live for myself, I get insecure sometimes, and a little too comfortable with the mundane. I'm also a girl who loves to make people happy and give myself to others. I'm sarcastic, witty, and, funny. The thing I want most out of life is to enjoy it and be happy. I want to find love, have a family, and most of all just be JaToya. With that being said, this blog may be a complete mess. My life is like that sometimes and that's okay. It's okay. Like life, I'm just going to go with it and see where it goes. I hope you'll join me!

Where I've Been

Soooo, it's been a really long time. Like really. I've neglected my little space on the internet and that needs to be explained. Even though I really don't have the best explanation, I'll just give you a little update. I loved blogging, but it was beginning to feel like a chore, kind of like a burden if you will. I was going through a lot of stuff (still am, but that's life) and I just didn't need the added stress. I got so concerned with how many people were reading my blog. leaving comments, and how many followers I had, that I was missing the whole point. I thought I would just take a break for a few weeks and I would be back to normal. Those few weeks turned into a pretty long time. I love fashion, I love style, I love the whole lifestyle thing. I even love writing and to be honest, I miss it. I miss having a creative outlet and right now I need it. I want to start back blogging, but in order for me to be happy, there needs to be some changes. We'll talk about those later because I haven't quite got that figured out yet, but I just wanted to give you a little update/explanation/whatever. Thank you to those of you who read my blog and for the comments. I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.