Friday, November 7, 2014


It's story time! Okay so I need to get real with you guys for a second or a minute since this will probably be long. I want to tell you a story about something that recently happened to me. I'm only telling it because I know I'm not the only one who's had something similar happen and because there's important life lessons to learn. Life lessons that I learned or more to the point that I needed to learn. Life is sneaky like that you know. Every thing is a lesson, every situation can be a learning experience. 
So there is this guy I went to high school with who I had a crush on. Let's just say he's really cute, how eight grade of me, but it's true. I always kind of admired him from afar. I went on with my life, liked other boys and such, but I always thought he was a cutie pie. Fast forward, we graduated and all that stuff. I went to college, forgot about him basically. Then two years ago I was home on spring break and I saw him. He looked better if that was even possible. A few days later it was his birthday. I knew that because we're friends on Facebook, duh. So I decide to wish him a happy birthday. I didn't think anything of it until he replied and we struck up a conversation. You know those like what have you been up to, where'd you go to school, how have you been. Small talk. Kind of boring if you ask me. He asked for my number and we continued to talk. Let me tell you, I was happy. I had had a crush on this dude and I was finally getting to talk to him! High school dreams were coming true here people. All common sense went out the window. We eventually stared hanging out and that's where things got weird. He wanted to you know, have sex. I'll just say it right now, I can be a little naive sometimes, what can I say. I thought we were friends, just getting to know each other. I had no clue that was on his mind. Here's where I was stupid. I actually wanted to do it. Well I didn't but I liked him, always had and I just wanted to please him, keep him, whatever. So I thought about it. We didn't do it, but we almost did. I felt horrible. It went against every thing I believed in. I didn't want to just have sex with him for the sake of it, or because he wanted to. Sex should only be done if YOU want to do it. That goes for anything in life basically. We stopped talking but I always felt as if I should have just done it. If I had, then we would still be talking. I know, I was stupid. Another fast forward to about a month ago. He messaged me on Facebook. That damn Facebook. We engaged in that same small talk, boring, but I thought maybe we could be friends. The next day I text him and point blank asked him if all he wanted was sex from me. He said yes. I knew what I had to do so I told him no and we could just be friends. Let me try to explain how that feels. I wasn't hurt by any means, it just sucked you know. It sucks to be thought of in that way. It sucks to think that a guy you thought was cool, turned out to be a total douchebag. It just plain sucks. Another week or so passed and he contacted me again, wanting the same old thing. He tried to strike up another conversation (I almost believed it), then he went in for the kill. I turned him down once again. Seriously does this guy ever learn? Story's over but here's what I learned. You never really know someone until you know them. Translation: the outside can hide a lot of stuff that's going on on the inside. I had admired this guy from a far and when I got to know him, he was so different from not only what he appeared to be but from how I thought he was. I also learned that some people come into your life to teach you something. I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason and that there really are no accidents in life. People come in and out of your life and it's up to you to learn from it. I struggled with why did God allow him to come back into my life if he was just going to leave again. He hadn't changed so why was he back? I now know that I needed that lesson. Maybe not for today, but maybe I need it for the future. I needed to know that I'm strong and that I don't need to compromise who I am for somebody else. I needed to learn to say NO. So I'm happy he who shall remain nameless came back into my life. I needed that do over. I needed to gain that strength. I needed to know that who I am is enough. I needed to know that my beliefs are important. I needed to know that some people actually aren't who they appear to be. I needed to know that just because someone doesn't value or respect me doesn't mean someone else won't. I needed that unexpected lesson. Unexpected lessons are really the best ones after all.
What are some of the unexpected lessons you've learned? Have you been in a similar situation?

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

A New Start

The Beginning
November 5, 2014

Well I actually have no clue what I'm going to write, or what I'm supposed to write. I figured I would just start writing, typing really, and see what comes of it. That seems to be the best way to approach things right? You just go for it. Not really knowing how it's going to turn out, but you hope for the best. Or in my case you hope what you're saying, or what you're trying to say, makes sense. So what's in my head? What do I want to say? That's the thing, I have no clue. There are so many thoughts in my head, gaps I want to fill in, but I'm not quite sure where to start. Already things are becoming a little jumbled, so I'll just start from the beginning. So, I love writing. I discovered I had the natural ability to write when I was young. I'm no author by any means, the thought of writing a book actually scares me, but I love being able to write down what I'm feeling and basically just random things. I had a journal (we'll refrain from calling it a diary) and I used to write in it often. I still have them and let me tell you it's beyond hilarious to read what my teenage self wrote. But isn't it the best though? I mean, when I read it I can still remember how I felt even where I was when I wrote it. It takes me back to that time and that's what good writing is. It makes you feel things, takes you to another place. So that's what I want to start doing. I want to write about things that I love, things that are important to me. I want to write my feelings and maybe get emotional at times, who knows. When I started this blog, I had no clue what I was doing. Still don't if I'm being honest. Sticking to this whole honesty thing, I also wasn't being true to myself. I read other blogs, and while I wasn't  trying to emulate them, I did what I thought people wanted to read. In doing that, I begin to hate it. I didn't want to do it because it wasn't me. I do love fashion, but I'm not rich. At all. I don't wear brand name or expensive clothing. I would love to, but that's just not me. I couldn't relate to those blogs at all. So who am I you ask, well that's the thing, I'm still figuring that out. I don't quite know exactly who I am, but here's what I do know. I'm a 22 year old young woman who's still trying to find her place in this world. I have fear of the unknown, I want to make my mother proud, and I don't know what the future holds. I'm just an average girl who lives in a small town. I have big dreams but sometimes I have no idea how I'm going to make them a reality.  I'm an average girl, but I'm unique. I'm on this journey called life and I'm not sure which road I'm going to take, but I am sure that I'm going to be me, be true to myself every step of the way. Sometimes I live for others more than I live for myself, I get insecure sometimes, and a little too comfortable with the mundane. I'm also a girl who loves to make people happy and give myself to others. I'm sarcastic, witty, and, funny. The thing I want most out of life is to enjoy it and be happy. I want to find love, have a family, and most of all just be JaToya. With that being said, this blog may be a complete mess. My life is like that sometimes and that's okay. It's okay. Like life, I'm just going to go with it and see where it goes. I hope you'll join me!

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